It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
