Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pants are for mortals
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