he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
