i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
