i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
