He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I want to fling myself into the sun
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
