I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
