You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
