11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think my mom watched the whole time
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
