He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize