hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
