I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize