Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
