what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
