Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
