My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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