i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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