i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
my liver is dry heaving
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize