2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
