i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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