Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Randomize
