she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize