I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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