Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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