I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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