I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize