the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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