This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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