are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the room spins SO much faster in panama
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
