you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
