I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
