He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
