Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
