Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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