What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
