Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She bit a glass in half.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
