I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
