I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
