You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize