hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
