Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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