Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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