I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm passing your future prison.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
