I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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