brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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