i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
