I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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