You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
