I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
