I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
