When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
