Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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