If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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