Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize