I think im going to throw up on grandma
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
