How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
