That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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