I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
