That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You can't motorboat a personality
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
