i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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