Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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