Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
