have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
