she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
