pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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