I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
